i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His nipple licking is glorious
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