It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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