the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize