Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize