You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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