can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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