So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize