Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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