The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize