I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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