I cannot find my penis.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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