It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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