so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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