Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize