I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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