Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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