It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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