You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize