getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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