Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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