So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize