even my farts smell like vagina
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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