Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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