Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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