someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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