my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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