I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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