omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
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I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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