I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a hot homeless man
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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