3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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