giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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