my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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