Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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