You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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