I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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