It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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