I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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