sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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