you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize