K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize