found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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