After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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