If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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