Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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