Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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