im having a threesome with these popsicles
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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