have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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