Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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