you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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