He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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