She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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